


"i love you so much, it hurts"

by meawannabewriter



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Crying, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, an angsty way of looking at ch 208, mild swearing, no caps bc i wrote it on my phone oop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-01
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-07 17:02:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12237039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meawannabewriter/pseuds/meawannabewriter
Summary: "i like you so much, i'm going to explode."his head is spinning, his eyes sting and his chest is burning.why can't the pain just end?





	"i love you so much, it hurts"

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry, this is just painful

  
it was stupid, really.

when did this even start? he couldn't, for the life of him, remember when it began, it just _was_. he looks at xi and his chest hurts, his lungs ache and he can't _breathe_. his eyes water because it hurts. it fucking hurts like a _bitch_. its as if someone wrenched his heart out and twisted it, squeezed it until it's got no more blood to bleed and leaves it on the floor to slowly die.

it hurts.

"i like you so much, i'm going to explode."

his head is spinning, his eyes sting and his chest is burning.

why can't the pain just end?

"only you.."

he barely registers what he says next, but he slowly moves out the room. he needed to get away from him, from the pain. he's shaking, trembling so hard, he wonders how he opened the doorknob at all.

he shakily flops unto the couch, messy and miserable. he clutches his pillow and sobs. _fucking pathetic_.

he didn't sign up for this, he never wanted this, why, what the fu-

a door slides open, his shoulders stiffen under the comforter. he hears footsteps.

"jian yi."

his throat closes up and his head aches. he wants to hate xi. hate how gentle his voice sounds, how he says his name as if it meant anything. he wants to hate him for always bringing his hopes up but then drops it and breaks it and stomps on it–

he feels cool fingers touch his forehead and he sees xi's face. his perfect eyes and cute nose and that fucking stupid mouth that he wants to kiss so bad. the dry well in his eyes water anew and he wants to cry again, _can't be weak in front of him, he'll just find ways to hurt you more._

zheng xi kisses his forehead softly, as if he was porcelain.

jian yi hates it. wants to push him away, shove him out of his life.

"i know."

the soft words catch yi off guard and a fire is lit inside him. how dare he, how fucking dare he play with his feelings, messed them up until they were crumpled up into lumps of indistinguishable pain. he looks at xi with as much hatred in his eyes as he can muster, but he probably just looks miserable.

he shoves xi away.

"get away from me."

 


End file.
